


i can no longer feel your lips on mine

by losiyra



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Loss, Loss of a Lover, Nat is (sadly) Dead, Other, Post-Endgame, Self-Hatred, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:53:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29019261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/losiyra/pseuds/losiyra
Summary: Mourning isn't easy for anyone - not even Carol Danvers. How was she supposed to know superpowers wouldn't heal a broken heart?ie - A glimpse of Carol's mourning process after losing Natasha
Relationships: Carol Danvers/Natasha Romanov
Kudos: 6





	1. why did you have to leave?

I can no longer feel your lips on mine  
I can no longer see your face when I close my eyes  
I can no longer feel your body curled into mine  
I can no longer recall your laughter or your smile

You've begun to fade from my memory,  
despite the pain still feeling so raw  
It's only been a week, or maybe two or three  
But the image of you in my mind, has already been obscured

And for the millionth time, I ask the universe  
"Why did you have to leave me, Natasha?"

And then, I ask myself  
"Why are the memories of you leaving too?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short intro chapter - it's been about a month since Nat's death.


	2. loss is a dangerous thing

"Carol, I love you, but I have to do this - it's the only way. I hope you never have to read this... but if you do.... just know that I never wanted to leave, I never wanted to leave YOU"

Carol's eyes are vacant as she rereads Natasha's final message to her. Months had passed, but the words of the letter had never really sunken in. Carol chose to instead focus on the handwriting. It was neat and methodical, executed with perfection - just like everything else Natasha did. But as the letter progressed, the handwriting became sloppier, the letters less ordered. There were odd spaces, as though she was thinking. And right at the bottom, a smudge. Natasha's teardrop.

Carol hadn't let anyone know about the letter. She'd found it in Nat's bedroom, behind the framed photo of her and Natasha from their first 'real' date. Carol never really knew how to feel about the letter. Her first reaction was one of complete nothingness. Carol felt absolutely nothing. In all honesty, she still feels like that when reading the letter. But sometimes she's overcome with incontrollable sobbing, and other times she throws up until her throat burns, and other times she's met with inexplicable rage that sends energy pulsing through her body and towards the nearest breakable object.

Carol just misses Natasha - misses what they had.


	3. can't you hear me? i'm not coming home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from 'my future' by Billie Eilish

The Avengers compound feels like a ghost-town. It's isolated, even more so than when half the universe disintegrated. Everyone had gone to their own homes after the blip was reversed - reunited as families. Kids played in the streets again, laughter filling the air.

But Carol Danvers never had a home to return to.

She used to stay with Maria and Monica before. Before Maria got sick and passed away, before her relationship with Monica began to break. Before she was Captain Marvel.

In recent years, Carol had grown to view the compound as her home. Well, maybe not the compound, but rather Natasha's room. No, it wasn't even about the damn room. Home was just...Natasha.

And suddenly, her home was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had serious writer's block lately, and went through a breakup recently (funny how this fic is essentially about a breakup... haha), so this chapter and the previous one are just drafts that I want out of the way. I really want to start actively working on this and creating chapters over 300 words soon!


End file.
